Being a Heartmom….
Many ask me how I do it, four kids in the home… 0_o!! Its simple I love them all. I refer to my step children as my heart children, I do not like to reference step anything. They grew in my heart; therefore, I am their heart mom and they are my heart children.
It is not all peaches and cream. It has been a real struggle at times. Being a parent to your birth children is natural, its rewarding in every way, doesn’t come with a rule book or performance check that is monitored by a panel of judges constantly checking what your motives are. You are not free to love. I have felt anger from the lack of control we seem to have over our own lives. I have felt Powerless, and worse voiceless. I have all the responsibility and grief of parenting my heart children, but few of the pleasures you get from being a mom.
You feel more like the girl in class that did everything to make your team project the best, you did all the research, created the presentation, stayed up all night making sure it was perfect while your class mates are out having fun… and then the big day to present your project to the whole school comes, you feel so proud of what you have done and all in one moment she,…she the popular girl, that didn’t help at all steps up and takes the credit . You don’t even get noticed, just a person on the sidelines. The crowd cheers for her and she smiles and bows excepting all the recognition. I did all the hard work and see got the reward. She got the easy A.
The reality of this was hard for me, it still is. I am doing everything as a mother should but not getting recognized for it. There have been times I have almost given up. I felt cheated from my dreams. But I always go back to my thought of that maybe I am in their lives for their benefit and not them for mine.
The purpose of my presence in their life come to fruition about a year ago. My Husband & I obtained custody of them due to their mom’s inability to make smart choices in her life. It was one of the hardest transitions for all of us. But no one had it as hard as my heart children did. They were in a state of confusion, pain and sadness. I quickly gained their trust and would set many nights helping them through their emotions. Teaching them how to pray. I am a very empathic person and it proved to be a great load for me to carry. It slowly broke me down as well. My Husband stepped up and often carried my emotions so that I could carry theirs. We are coming up on a year that they have been in our home and everyday proves to teach us something new. We have gotten through it as a family. We are stronger, closer and more understanding of one another. My husband and I have gained so much from all of this and our bond is stronger then ever. There are many years ahead of us that will indeed have its challenges, but our purpose will be fulfilled for all of our children for that was put in our hands, and together we will not fail.