Thieves of the soul:
“ So lean into your broken heart. Your transition. Your rebirth. Your new beginning. Your resistance. Let go of what you need to let go. Forgive who you need to forgive. Face your dragon. Squash your judgment. Toss your blueprints. Hold on to your dreams. And keep moving forward. Even if you’re crawling. Because if you’re moving, you’re alive and if you’re alive you’re on your journey.”
A mind that has been warped to believe you are not good enough and deserve the pain you are receiving will deceive you, your heart will feel like a fool. You are no longer able to make the decisions needed to make your way. I’ve learned these are necessary feelings to go through to learn strength and free yourself. Everything was falling apart around me, I was suffering in silence, my children where suffering. It was time. I no longer had tears to cry, was to numb to feel the pain and was tired of pretending. I believe in God, so I prayed that he would help me out. Although I think he did help me to stand up to my fear, I think I choose the wrong path, and lessons later would prove to still be learned…… 10 years of being lost I was about to take a detour I was not prepared for…. Beware as you try to find yourself others can see this as a weakness, they will prey on you. They will put roadblocks directing you off your path to fulfill their needs, their journey. These types I call thieves of the soul. They are ones that are hurt and damaged as well and go around collecting others souls just to satisfy them even if for a moment.
There I was searching for my way to end that chapter of my life, looking for that sign, the path. Like I said, I think I choose the wrong one. Let me explain.. In the midst of leaving the kids dad, living in my sisters basement trying to get my life together, trying to heal… he entered my life. We will call him “VI” . He was a master at manipulation as I would soon find out. I was broken and starving for attention.. He knew that and he gave it to me. I felt important to him. The kids dad was continuing to try and make my life a living hell. With “VI” around I felt less alone in it all. He hated him as much as did it in some odd way that made me feel good. I eventually found a job, a home and things were looking up. “VI” was constantly changing jobs and I was the main provider in the relationship. Things went down hill fast. The trust was gone before it was establish. He became a place holder. I continued to grow in life and he was always two steps behind me. it became a co-dependent relationship, I depended on him to fill my loneliness and he depended on me for everything. He began to disappear, steal from me and little by little my life became a wreak again. I once again was on my knees begging for away out, for god to take the wheel and set me on the path he intended for me in the first place. It would take 8 months to get my answer. I had to endure a couple hours of terrifying horror within my home. Although I was left bruised, my house was damaged and my fear was more alive than ever I was free. I had to remember that prayers are not always answered in the way we would think or expect, but I believe that he knew it was the only way I would be free from him forever. Of course as life would have it the trouble with “VI” did not stop. I had a restraining order against him and still he would break into my home, sleep under my windows, call me constantly, and steal from me. .. the worst part is he took away my security and replaced it with pure fear. I was a prisoner in my own home. I feared even going home. I feared going out. He was a thieve of my soul. Time will heal all things if you let it. I was ready to take back my soul. I allowed two people by that point in my life to have a piece of my soul. No more. It was over. I started to find ways to fight back the fear. I never drove the same way home, I focused in on my kids. I started to focus in on myself and take care of me. I was gaining mental strength. I decided it was time to start making friends and perhaps meet someone new.. that is when my prayer came full circle.