Words can have so much power, they can hurt, heal, and even completely change a persons out look on their life. Knowing the power words have had on me in the past I always pay close attention to whats being said. Analyzing every word spoken. I do it to the degree that at times I misconstrued things and create chaos in my head. But often I find that words spoken directly or indirectly to me will have the power I allow them to have. This is something I have had to learn and still learning. Everyday I tell myself that only the positive is allowed to affect me…. often I fail at this. For too many years I allowed people’s words to pierce my soul, to change the very person I was. I was giving them power, the very power they were going for by holding on to those words. Until my husband walked into my life I never really had a voice, I never had the ability to fight back against the power those words had. Now a days it is much easy to filter through the words that are meaningless or perhaps are just coming from a damaged soul that does not know the errors in their way. I recently realized just how much power I could take back if I just listened.. this is where the words of a stranger come in. Being a Heart mom is probably one of the hardest challenges I have ever encountered. It effects everything about you, you will have feelings of love, happiness, doubt, anger, joy, confusion, resentment and pride all in one loop of a moment. I had been feeling very down about things. I fight constantly the feelings of why they are so drawn to their mom when she choose to give them up, and she gets all the glory while I am raising her children and doing all the hard stuff. Why was she so much cooler to them then me when I am always trying to go the extra mile. Why did I have so much resentment towards their mom for having a life and children with my husband? Was that normal or was I a weirdo? I would feel anger when she would show up for her visitation and she would be so happy and cheerful, like she didn’t have a care in the world, and i’m over here carrying all the stress. I was tucking her kids in bed every night and answering the hard questions and soothing their confused little souls. I was getting no time with my husband because I had to step in where she lacked. Battling through all those thoughts with love for your family, love for all four of your children was very difficult. It has effected my self esteem, feeling not worthy. My husband told me over and over how grateful he was for me in their life and the motherly love I showed them. How he would tell me that our relationship is worlds apart from the one he had with their mother.. . but I couldn’t help but think that he was lying, how could he be so amazing to me and not of been to her? These sort of thoughts consumed me. Then one day at work I received a call from a person whom I have talked to over the phone hundreds of times in the last 7 years and had only met once in person. We worked together on a software program. We had talked many of times about family and current events and such. Our conversations typically happen only when we had software issues or updates… so when he called I was bit surprised. The stranger has some years on me, much wiser and always gave me good advice. This day he would start off by saying, “I don’t want you to think i’m crazy but I have a message for you” My first thought was “oh boy” but I continued to listen. He stated that he had a dream about a man that came to him and told him to call me and tell me these things.. “you are a special, unique person. Your heart is good. Give everything time and it will work out. The children are only running towards their mom to seek what they don’t get from her. That I am a good mom and things will get better. ” Now let me tell you I was speechless for a moment. I had never had this happen to me before. It changed my thinking in that instant. What I had secretly been struggling with was just put into terms I could understand it. Words, that was all that was said and it changed so much for me. I felt stronger.
Listen to the words of a stranger… they could change everything.